I thought this may be a good time to sit down and write, I am having a down day today and it may be useful for myself to get some of my feelings out and also someone may like to read my ramblings.
I woke up suddenly with a feeling of dread and panic, worrying about money, and lack of money. I’m so thankful for some of the people in my life because if it was not for them, I wouldn’t be eating.
I have just spent some time looking for work, applying for anything I may be qualified for. I’m not really sure how Christmas may be if nothing comes along soon. It is amazing to me some of the jobs that are asking for degrees, Apparently you need a a degree to pick up the phone, and or greet people.
But the sadness, panic and despair I am feeling at this moment is overwhelming. I feel like a failure in life. I am currently struggling to find the motivation to get out of bed. I feel like I want to cry but nothing is coming out. My head feels like it is spinning, I just can not seem to catch myself.
‘Why am I even writing, when I have been told I can not write?’… All I can feel and think of is about all the negative thoughts and the worst scenarios. I am drained and frustrated.
I should be looking forward to a holiday I have coming up at the end of the week ( This holiday was paid for while I was back in work for anyone who was wondering how I could afford it).
I am tired, tired of feeling like this, tired of feeling worthless, tired of struggling.